This afternoon, as I was studying pediatric development stages, I was filled with boredom and frustration. Don’t get me wrong, I love the littles. But after a summer full of rest and relaxation, I’ve had a hard time getting back into the swing of school. I’ve cringed at the thought of studying, printing notes, highlighting notes, reading endless chapters, and waking up at 5 am for clinical. And once again, don’t get me wrong. I love my major. I love interacting with patients. I love knowing that I am in a field that helps to curate a servant’s heart. And I’m so grateful that God chose to place me here & that He’s reaffirmed that I’m right where He wants me. But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t any struggles or discouragement.
Nursing is hard. It’s time consuming and tiring. It’s late nights, early mornings, and more flash cards than you could ever imagine. But somewhere in the midst of all the paperwork and the care plans, there’s a soft and quiet whisper that couldn’t possibly be anything except the Holy Spirit. I’ve heard the voice before. Multiple times, actually. But I was so wrapped up in my to do lists that I didn’t stop to listen. The voice has always been present when I was feeling overwhelmed or burnt out. And the other day, the Holy Spirit whispered to me again.
So here’s a little back story, just in case you’re like, “Is this chick crazy?!” In reality, I’ve wished away the past four semesters. Wished that I was done with school already. Wished that I could live at home during the week. Wished that I didn’t have to study so much. I’ve wished that I was in a different season of life, and I’ve wished that I could go back to my pre-nursing school college years. But now that I only have three semesters left, I’m wishing for more late nights in the apartment giggling with my friends. I’m wishing for more Rouses runs for petit fours after dinner. I’m wishing for more terrible dinners that turn into us ordering pizza. I’m wishing for more clinical experiences and I’m wishing for just one more semester with my friends.
I’ve felt conflicted ever since I started nursing school. I love my future career, but the work load is overwhelming. I love getting to live with my friends, but I miss my family. But the Holy Spirit threw a stop sign out in front of me, causing me to tap my brakes, take a moment to reflect, and stop long enough to listen to that quiet whisper. And while sitting at that stop sign, I felt nothing but peace. I wasn’t worried about the paperwork, the to do lists, or the what-ifs. That quiet little whisper, at 1 am, while I was eating queso and blondies and having a late night chat with my friends, told me to stop wishing it all away. To be content with where I am and to ENJOY the journey, and not to just struggle to make it to Friday evening so I can go home.
In three semesters, Kori is moving to Tennessee. Zelene may be moving to Texas. Ashlyn isn’t sure where she’ll end up, but she’s pretty sure it’ll be out of state to become a Nurse Midwife. Kassidy will be back on the north shore, and I’ll be back in Baton Rouge. The five of us, who have shared stories, laughter, tears, notes, food, and our lives, will be separated. We’ve all waited for this though, right? We’ve waited for graduation, we’ve waited to move, we’ve waited for our lives to “officially start” and we’ve waited to find out what specialties we like. Is it ER or OR? What about ICU or NICU? Or even PICU? Maybe trauma. But what about dermatology? We all like Dr. Pimple Popper. But we also like Labor and Delivery. But then there’s oncology. And med-surg. And none of us are entirely sure, so we wait.
But today, waiting means something a little different. Waiting isn’t wishing away, counting down the days, hours, minutes, and seconds until we get our degrees. Waiting is cherishing what’s left and embracing the opportunity. Waiting is trusting in the Lord. So we wait. We wait to see what the future brings, we wait to see what kind of nurses we’ll be, and we wait to see where we’ll end up. And if there’s one thing that I know for sure, it’s that God provides while we’re waiting, and he provided me with some of the best friends I’ll ever have.